It’s been eight weeks to the day since I knew something was desperately wrong. In 48 hours, she was gone. I am still a hot mess. I want to be able to write about her. I want to be able to remember the warmth of her body nestled into the curve of mine. I want […]
New life in stillness.
It’s finally spring. I’m finally cleaning. My house, much like most of my life, has been in an upheaval and it has taking this long for me to give a damn and do something about it. I am not kidding when I say there’s no place where I haven’t let things go. My books. My […]
A series of unfortunate events.
It’s been 16 weeks to the day since my son was hit by an SUV while riding his bike to class on his first day as a Penn State freshman. In that time, a college semester has started and ended. Late summer has worked its way through autumn and into the first real snow of winter. […]
Collapse and think and remember and thank.
This has been one hell of a two month sprint. My timecards show me out more than I’ve been in. My Asana dashboard consistently, insistently shows me multiple tasks overdue. I’m hit and miss on email because Slack keeps me hopping on the critical tasks that need to be addressed. I’ve even taken to saving my […]
Still life.
Despite nearing late September, the sun is bright in the sky. As is my norm on most summer weekends, I’m out on the deck reveling in the afternoon’s warmth, LoveJunkie sprawled at my side, recharging her own solar energy in the sunlight. Yesterday I spent the day in Harrisburg, not because I was having fun but […]
The only way out is through.
Today is is the last day of February, and it has been bitter cold. So cold you feel it deep in your bones. So cold you think you’ll never get warm. To be honest, it has suited my mood. I have struggled this week to maintain my game face, but inside I am a bitter […]
Living. Out loud.
My mouth was full of toothpaste when the phone rang yesterday morning. I didn’t recognize the number, but by the time I spit and answered, the call had gone to voice mail. I rolled my eyes, stuck the toothbrush back into my mouth and only when I was foaming like a rabid squirrel (squirrel!) did […]
Since you’ve asked.
A lot of you have noticed I’ve had a procedure done this week and asked how I’m doing, assuming it was a continuation of “our continuing stoooory of a breast that’s gone to the dogs.” (Why yes that’s a Muppets reference. Now you know where I get all my jokes.) It’s not exactly what you […]
Dawn’s in trouble; must be Tuesday.
Hello, Ms. Smail? This is Dr. Duncan. I’ve got the results back and there is an abnormality that we need to talk about. Please give me a call so we can schedule an appointment for you to see me. It’s 5:18am on the pacific coast, but despite the time, my body insists it’s time to […]
Travel friendly.
Yesterday I got up at 4am to make sure I was out the door in time for my flight (not that I was anxious or anything). I’m gone for three weeks to do some speaking, some learning, and some hanging with people I like on the west coast. By the time I got across the […]
Testing, testing.
The compression plates of the imaging machine are cold. I shrug out of one side of the gown while the technician positions my breast and my body for the best imaging angle. The plates compress uncomfortably, and I grimace slightly. Hold your breath. Hold. Hold. Hold. Aaaand, breathe. The machine releases me and I step […]