It’s been eight weeks to the day since I knew something was desperately wrong. In 48 hours, she was gone.
I am still a hot mess.
I want to be able to write about her.
I want to be able to remember the warmth of her body nestled into the curve of mine.
I want to feel the touch of her paw as she drapes herself over me while she naps as I knit.
I want to be annoyed at her inexplicable need to lay on my knitting.
I want to hear her bark at the squirrels/crows/deer/bunnies that have the poor form to be in her yard.
I want to wonder how the hell she got out of the fenced in backyard when she’s off on a 2am walkabout.
I want to stop my heart from aching.
I want to see her at the top of the steps excitedly wagging her tail every time I come home.
I want to have her push my laptop out of the way and blithely take her rightful place on my lap.
I want to find dog bones secreted away in my yarn baskets, waiting to be reclaimed.
I want to hear the scratch at the snack cupboard as she impatiently waits for me to get her
a many treats.
I want to have fresh nose prints on the window I just cleaned.
I want to spar with that bright intelligence behind those chocolate brown eyes.
I want to wake up and find her in my arms where she burrowed in at some point in the night.
I want to bitch about white fur on my
I want to watch her tail wag and her tongue loll in the wind, head out the open window of my Jeep.
I want to hear the squeaky toy and her pretend growl as she tears through the house playing keep away.
I want to post more #convoswithlovejunkie.
I want to see her laying in the sunshine, recharging her solar batteries.
I want to have to protect my lunch from the opportunist in her.
I want to be herded toward my bedroom around 11:30pm, when she’s decided it’s time for bed.
I want to have her barge into the bathroom to make sure I haven’t gotten lost without her.
I am so lost without her.
I want to laugh at her patented head tilt.
I want to hear the jingle of her tags as she follows me around the house.
I want to watch her delight in jumping into streams and swimming, even in February.
I want to swim in her unconditional love.
I want to enjoy the companionable silence of mornings.
I want to feel the nudge of her nose when she wants to tell me something.
I want her to make me laugh again.
I want so little.
I want it so much.