TRIGGER WARNING: Physical and sexual abuse, themes of dominance and control It’s been two months since my mother died. Almost two months since I drove to Iowa and stood at her graveside in a small cemetery on a hill overlooking empty winter fields, listening to a kindly rented pastor eulogize my mother’s life, mispronounce her […]
Wanting.
It’s been eight weeks to the day since I knew something was desperately wrong. In 48 hours, she was gone. I am still a hot mess. I want to be able to write about her. I want to be able to remember the warmth of her body nestled into the curve of mine. I want […]
A series of unfortunate events.
It’s been 16 weeks to the day since my son was hit by an SUV while riding his bike to class on his first day as a Penn State freshman. In that time, a college semester has started and ended. Late summer has worked its way through autumn and into the first real snow of winter. […]
Collapse and think and remember and thank.
This has been one hell of a two month sprint. My timecards show me out more than I’ve been in. My Asana dashboard consistently, insistently shows me multiple tasks overdue. I’m hit and miss on email because Slack keeps me hopping on the critical tasks that need to be addressed. I’ve even taken to saving my […]
On impact.
I wouldn’t describe myself as a cautious person, but I’ve always had a healthy respect for automobiles — especially in a college town where pedestrians and cyclists play their own version of Frogger every day. It’s almost too easy to think of downtown as an extension of campus. but when students walk right into the street […]
Where the day takes you.
You never really quite know where the day will take you. Last Monday I was dragging my feet getting into work. It was the first day of classes at Penn State and experience has taught me that the streets downtown would be thick with new students fresh off summer break. I took my time to wrap […]
Seeking closure.
Sunday evening found me sitting in the Detroit airport awaiting my fourth flight of the day to get me back to my starting point over 14 hours earlier. I’d flown to Omaha, Nebraska, from a conference in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, via Chicago, Illinois, for a seven hour layover to attend a memorial service for my father. […]
Turbulence ahead.
We interrupt your conference fun for familial duty. We anticipate some rough turbulence ahead, but we’ll try to get you through it with minimum scarring. Hang in there and we’ll return you to your regularly scheduled programming as soon as humanly possible. Meanwhile, breathe deeply and think calm thoughts. Alcohol might also help.
The hot mess.
It’s the first time in over a week that I’ve ventured out into a world with people. I’ve been avoiding the world in general, mostly because I can’t handle the prospect of witty repartee or sympathetic questions. Email. Texts. Facebook messages. Phone calls. They require so much effort, and I don’t have the wherewithal for […]
The importance of pruning.
I’m not, under any circumstances, a gardener. I’m comfortable knowing my talents lie elsewhere. But I do a good job of faking it; I listen to people who know how these things work, and I’ve picked up a list of tricks that have suited me well over the years. I’ve learned there are two types […]
Fathers and daughters.
Today my father passed away. It’s been at least a decade since we’ve spoken. I’m pretty sure he had long ago forgotten why; I’m uncertain if he ever regretted it. I only know we took our respective stances and wrote each other off. My father was a firm believer that children should be seen and […]
